


Spider-Woman: Blue

by OliviaRose



Category: Marvel (Comics), Spider-Gwen (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: Entirely Self-Indulgent, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7468896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliviaRose/pseuds/OliviaRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s about remembering someone who was so important to me I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Funny Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very sorry this is bad and very self-indulgent.
> 
> I do not own any of the Marvel Universe. Some of the lines were taken directly from Spider-Man: Blue.  
> Sorry :/
> 
> This is based entirely on Peter's narration in Blue, sorry for the lack of action.

Klik.  
Whirr.  
Testing, testing,  
I really hope this thing still works.  
Testing.  
Please.  
Klik.  
Good, ok. Where to start? I’d write this all down but… There’s a reason I’m a drummer and not…  
I’ve tried to convince myself that things have to get really, really bad before they can get good. Not even really good, although I wouldn’t mind some of that. When you look at my life so far, that’s about it.  
Good enough follows bad.  
Kind of spectacular.

It’s Valentine’s day and I don’t have a valentine, but I have you. Or, at least, I wish I did. You used to send me card after card, covered in little notes and doodles. You slipped them into my locker, my bag.  
When I asked you why you gave me all of them, you said you had to get my attention somehow.  
I wish I had paid more attention to you.  
It’s like Ben used to say;  
“Youth is wasted on the wrong people.”  
You’ll never hear this, well, not you. Maybe the other you. But someone needs to know about you. About us.  
Your name was-is Peter Parker. Mine is Gwen Stacy.  
This is the story of how we fell in love.  
Or, more appropriately, how we almost fell in love.

So, it’s Valentine’s day, and I’m standing in the middle of the street.  
The street.  
I’ve avoided it every other day of the year.  
Nobody knows. I can’t make a big deal out of it.  
It’s about remembering someone who was so important to me I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn’t know that meant he would only get to spend the rest of his life with me.  
There is nothing I can do about it. And I have to accept that. But there was something I could’ve done.  
But when you lose someone you love, everyone tells you to pick up and move on.  
“Don’t dwell on the past.”  
“It is what he would want.”  
And that makes me laugh. Like I would ever want to forget you.  
The way you’d push your glasses up.  
The way you drank your soda.  
Hello, Peter. My funny valentine.

But, like you know, before anything good could happen, something really, really bad had to happen.  
I’m not talking “leaving your final project at home bad,” I’m talking “the police (specifically my dad) have been assigned to find out my secret identity, and prosecute me” bad.  
Oh, and something else.  
You had been growing closer and closer with Dr. Curt Connors. The two of you shared an obsession; becoming as special as Spider-Woman. Doesn’t seem much like this good/bad thing? Just you wait.  
I can’t tell you just how many times in those few months I had a gun held on me by someone I knew. Someone I trusted. It was almost the same amount of times I could’ve saved you.  
Almost all of my energy was put into running. Hiding. I gave it everything I had and they would not relent.  
I could’ve destroyed the serum. I had held it in my hand and contemplated. I’m ashamed to admit that I really, really wanted to. I wanted to flush all of your hard work away. I didn’t want you to be like me. I was miserable.  
It could’ve ended right there.  
All of my guilt. Gone.  
And, maybe, you would still be…  
It should have been so easy. Just smash the vial. Keep you busy and away from Conners. By the time you realized…  
It doesn’t matter.  
There are things that haven’t changed. I still go to band practice, and dance this dance with MJ. We’ve played these scenes out a dozen times. We still do.  
Mary Jane Watson. How can you not love her?  
You introduced me to her. She was looking for a drummer. She was your aunt’s best friend’s niece.  
Sitting with you, watching you watch our band practice. That’s how it all started. We’d make eye contact for just a second, and I’d lose my rhythm. 

I always knew, no matter what was happening, I’d have you. Your aunt May was always ready to make sense of anything. Heroically, she still does.  
I always admired her relationship with your Uncle Ben. They were truly suited for each other. One in a million.  
But, seeing you smile, it made me understand all of that. You made me brave. Brave enough to spend my nights fighting crime. Brave enough to spend my days by your side.  
I always thought people were lying about the way some people’s laughs sound like music. But, right then, you were my favorite song.

Peter Parker. All kinds of amazing.  
Life didn’t seem like it could get any better. But, you know how this good/bad thing works.


	2. Let's Fall in Love

Kilk.  
Whirr.  
Sorry, I had class. Where was I?  
No one will ever listen to this, probably. But this story, our story, should be remembered.  
So here I am with my dad’s old tape recorder. He used to use this thing on stake outs. But here I am. Talking to a boy who… who… just like the thoughts I’ve lost…  
I can’t get you back again.  
People stay as long as you remember them. I don’t want to forget you.  
Peter Parker.  
Please stay with me.

I was doing well. I mean, not according to the daily bugle. After all, according to them, I’m a menace. Me! Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Woman!  
After what happened to you, though, I started to believe them.  
Oh, Peter. I could’ve saved you.

This is around the same time Harry Osborn came to school.  
Mary Jane called him the Green Goblin, cause his dad was rich, and he played dungeons and dragons.   
We just had to be his friend.  
The closer I got to Harry, or, the closer Harry got to me, the more distant you got. You were distant before, sure, but, but I really missed you.  
I should’ve caught that he was flirting with me.   
In my defense, just because I have “spider” sense, doesn’t mean I have common sense. You have to understand, I had so much going on. And not everything was going to plan.  
I remember looking at you though, sitting on my bed with your dorky glasses and bright smile, and daring to think;  
Let’s fall in love.  
It was silly. I should’ve known I couldn’t be happy. Who’s a hero that’s been happy?  
I’ve crossed universes, Peter Parker, and I haven’t found a single one where we could be happy together.

This was the so-called “tragedy” of our piece. Of course I didn’t know what I wanted until it was gone.  
Of course.  
But Peter, you were worth every second I spent getting my face beat bloody, and every second I spent biting my tongue.   
You were so jealous when you found out I had asked Connors for advice. I’m not sure if he ever told you that it was some of your research that had saved the day. I wish he had.  
But I’m not sure it would’ve been enough for you.  
You had saved the day, and you would never know. That’s it, wasn’t it.

It was only studying, it wasn’t even a date, but every second with you and I was the luckiest girl in the multiverse.  
But of course, there was Harry.  
Determined to get me on an actual date. It must have been disheartening, how clueless I was. But god, the boy could not take a hint.   
And of course, there was MJ.  
Always a band practice, or a band meeting. She was convinced we would hit the jackpot sometimes soon.  
And somehow, I always ended up running late.


End file.
